Do infertile women ever get over it?

I didn’t. Not for a very long time. And I had my hands full with two toddler boys, who were healthy  and adorable, yet out of nowhere, the unpredictable, icy drop of doubt stung.  A piercing round of ‘I should’ve, would’ve, could’ve’ brought me to my knees.

It wasn’t enough that I felt sentenced to the regret of deciding against infertility treatments, even though, I was in my forties with one rusty fallopian tube and retirement-aged eggs. Nope, wasn’t enough. Not for me. I also harbored a deeper regret of not fighting for my little girl. We didn’t wage war against the birth mother, we were noble and no, contrary to popular belief, it never made me feel better that we took that route. I felt I’d let my infant daughter down. I promised her, I’d take care of her, I’d be there, no matter what. I hadn’t counted on the ‘what’ being her biological mother.

I’ve been thinking about my little Chicken Hawk quite a bit this month. We welcomed her into the world on the 3rd of this month, eighteen years ago, and I still remember our brief but potent and cherished time together. She aroused the maternal fire in me. How could I ever forget or get over her?

I wonder if we ever do get over infertility?

Have you?

6 thoughts on “Do infertile women ever get over it?

    • Sorry for the delay in responding–email & computer hassles abound. I wholeheartedly agree and yet, I was told and reassured by professionals, numerous adoptive parents, and well meaning loved ones that adoption would wipe the slate clean. Not so. Thank you for voicing your experience, Liz

  1. No, but parenting my son has helped a great deal. It comes back oddly whenever I have to deal with adoption related issues. It is what it is but sometimes I wish I didn’t have that pause when I speak to my son’s doctor. I don’t have any control or personal knowledge over his genetic information. I can always ask if I need to but even those questions are not easily answered. It makes me think of all we had to go through to get him, all the money, the questionnaires, the homestudies, the letters, the lawyers, the broken hearts.

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