I’ve received enough comments throughout October to warrant this reminder to good-hearted, well-meaning folks–if you haven’t been on this side of infertility, please tread lightly when comforting or sharing your news with someone whose sorrow is profound, at times, hidden or downplayed, and rarely acknowledged. No one is to blame. We just need to be reminded.
When comforting an infertile woman, please don’t say too much, period. “I’m so sorry,” works wonders. Otherwise, shut up. Just be there, hold, and listen. Most of us do, but sometimes we screw up and find ourselves contorted in bitter-tasting small talk.
When sharing good or bad news, this may seem like common sense to most of you, but, humor me, and please refrain from telling an infertile woman–
how relieved you are at not being pregnant,
about the birth of your baby while still groggy from labor,
that you’re going to terminate a pregnancy, or
shit, I can’t believe it! I’m pregnant again.
Any others?
Or how about “Relax, it’ll happen.” “Maybe you’re not doing it the right time of the month.” “Stop trying, that’s how it happened for me.”
Ugh, it gets really old, really fast. Thanks for posting this reminder!
Bree 🙂
Thanks for these, Bree! These are the corduroy of the platitudes, not to stiff or slick, but still hurtful. So please, let’s refrain from uttering…
“Relax, it’ll happen.”
“Maybe you’re not doing it the right time of the month.”
“Stop trying, that’s how it happened for me.”
My personal favorite: complaining about pregnancy symptoms which are mild and within the norm, ie “my baby is pushing against me RIGHT HERE and its just SO much pressure and I have to pee every 5 MINUTEs and my ankles are SO swollen…” yes, I’m sure pregnancy doesn’t feel good but complain about it to someone else!
How could I have forgotten this one? Thanks, Liz
well, there ARE so many faux pas to remember 🙂
So true, Kathryn! THanks for stopping by, Liz
Just adopt!
You can have one of mine.
Well, at least you can sleep in/travel/go to the movies…
Just relax….
Don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Ayyyy–those first two words, used to slay me! “Just adopt”–as if all we had to do was go to a vending machine or pick one up on the way home. Thanks, Liz