I confess…

I am impatient by nature. How could I not be? A wiry Greek father and Mexican mother created me. I grew up waiting to use the bathroom, to get fed, to get a word in. I’m a late bloomer. It seems I wait longer than most. So I thought I’d done my time.

Well, I hadn’t lived in Juárez.

Chapter XV – August 1998

August 26th

“We continue to pop balloons and wait for Marty. Waiting has taken on a new meaning for me; it now has a personality: it’s the boring neighbor who comes to visit you at the wrong time of day and doesn’t take a hint that you want them to leave….

It’s after two in the morning; my heart is pounding out of my chest. Some random noise woke me up….

 I go to bed, but I can’t sleep. I wait for another sound. I wait for relief from my back pain. I wait for daylight. I wait for Marty. I wait for the judges. I wait for the petition. Wait, negate, late, mate, fate, bait, date, rate, gate, placate, exacerbate, investigate, emulate, masticate, escalate, fornicate.

I just want to go home with my sons before something does happen to us.

W = wallow                                   

A = anxious

I = impatient

T = tempest

I = inferno

N = neglect

G = gnaw 

One thought on “I confess…

  1. Duquesa Sonrisa,

    Someday when the boys are grown and they read this they will understand what it meant for you to get them out of there. And they will understand your love.

    My mother told me once that you don’t know what love is until you have a child. Maybe it was bullshit, maybe it was a curse. Maybe I never learned to love a man more. I don’t know. But for me, it has come to pass that I have never loved anyone the way I love my child.

    I have been a witness to your Motherlove. I knew then and know still how fierce you are.

    The book is aptly named. How you have expanded and embraced your journey to and through Motherhood.

    I have loved you for so long and still count myself as one of your greatest admirers,

    Anita de Luto

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