What we don’t voice about adoption…

I’ve been following a multitude of adoption blogs this year, because I’m curious as much as frustrated by what we do and don’t voice about adopting.

It seems that when we adopt, we benefit from a halo effect, but the shimmery glow comes with a constraint–adoptive moms are reticent to complain. Instead many of us go underground, we stuff our feelings, suffer in silence, all the while feeling guilty and inadequate.

Over the years, I’ve heard too many moms whisper, after they look both ways to make sure no one else is listening, “I never knew it would be so much more about adoption than just raising my kid.”

This is one reason why I am publishing Stretch Marks. I don’t just want to sell books, I want to start an honest discussion about adopting.

6 thoughts on “What we don’t voice about adoption…

  1. You are awesome Liz. I honestly had no idea about your silent suffering. Honestly, I have always thought you were an amazing mom and never thought twice about you adopting. I have and always will hold you in high esteem truly. No doubt your book will be a Blockbuster! Your open, honest admission of your feelings is really remarkable and will help so many women!! YOU GO GIRL!!!! Xo Vicky

    • Thanks, Vicky, but no apology necessary. There’s no blame, am hoping for a discussion that will help bring voices to the table. My mother had a saying, “Cada cabeza es un mundo.” Loose translation-Each mind is its own world.

      Your support and encouragement is priceless to me-mil gracias!

  2. I love this Liz. I think we need more honest conversations about everything but particularly the hard ones like adoption, miscarriage, marriage and communication, having to work while raising children, illness, death,familial alcoholism, incest, life situations!. And… your conversation will help those of us who haven’t adopted.

    I know how hard it is to actually talk about raising a kid – to honestly talk about the time I screamed so loud I was worried that the neighbors might call Child Protective Services, to talk about how much my life changed and how hard those changes were. It’s so important for all of us to know and understand we are not alone. And to be able to relate to those who are having simiar issues and different issues.

    I love the courage.

    • WordPress must have hiccuped and never posted my reply to you!?!

      Thanks, Laurie and I agree, the burden I carried is universal. No one gets a pass on suffering in life.
      So, thank you for your honesty as well! I find myself choking up and/or laughing when I read your comments. I know that with your help these conversations will take place, one person at a time. I doesn’t matter where, as long as it happens. ¡Mil gracias!

  3. That comment about “I never knew it would be so much more about adoption than just raising my kid” really pulled me in. I wanted to hear more, even one more thing in the blog. I realized, in my need to hear more, how dependent we are, as humans, on others having the courage to voice the things that few are willing to share, how vital that courage is, how important, how life altering, how the gift of writing is in the sharing, in the naming of those things that lie deep in the heart of us all.
    You are one superb warrior in that world of naming and claiming the inner landscape.
    Keep on!!!
    xox
    Eanlai

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